Day by Day

Lorynn's diagnoses came as a shock to all of us.  Though I always knew there was a risk that one day it would happen, somehow as the years passed I developed a false sense of security.  One thing I never really told anyone was that I always had a deep fear that something would happen to Lola.  Maybe somewhere inside of me, I knew...

Anyway, this is our journey in the form of a poem...

Lorynn after diagnoses in the Janet Weis Children's Hospital

Yesterday, I woke up and it was Thursday -
Thursday, our lives were as they had always been,
but Friday -
Friday changed it all.

My little girl, so sweet and so young,
so happy and innocent.
Suddenly, on Friday,
you became a pincushion.
I kept thinking of my grandmother's sewing kit,
her little tomato pincushion,
and I hurt for you.
My heart broke for you.
My heart ached for your future,
my sweet little tomato.
So brave on the outside,
your eyes belied the truth -
that by Saturday you knew you were a Type 1 Diabetic,
that you were scared,
that you knew the ONLY thing you received
from a man you barely knew
was Diabetes.

You, so courageous,
you learned with every passing moment
how it had all changed,
and it would never again be the same.
No antibiotic fix,
no way to run or hide.
You, my sweet little tomato,
were never to eat again without
the sting of the disease,
the prick of the finger,
the pinch of the needle.

By Sunday, the reality settling,
you wanted to know about an upcoming Saturday,
Halloween;
would you be like the other kids?
Could you sneak a piece of candy?
Would you even live that long?
Your eyes asked your Mommy why,
and I had no answers,
my little tomato;
I had no words,
I had no tears that would heal you,
I had no way to take it all away.
I simply held you close
as only a mother can do.

On Monday, we resigned ourselves
to beat this,
to not let it change everything,
not let it mean everything,
not let it own you.
We would not be overcome;
you would live a normal life.
You were not a diabetic child,
but a child WITH diabetes,
and it wouldn't be more than that.

We went home on Tuesday.
For the first time, we were
-on our own-
and it was terrifying.
You shocked us with your poise,
and with your death-defying lows.
We didn't know 35 could be
prevented by an insulin adjustment.
You learned what -low- felt like.
I learned that my sweet, sweet,
little tomato
was fragile,
and not as strong as she let
the world
believe.

By Wednesday, we were the
family of a child with
Type I Diabetes.
My sweet little tomato,
your fingers scabbing over,
your heart broken,
the realization this wasn't a bad dream,
your journey only just beginning.
I was here only as a guide,
but you were the Captain,
but only a sweet little girl,
only nine years of living,
and so many ahead.
My little girl, so sweet and so young,
no longer as innocent or happy,
but ready for a long life.

Today is Thursday,
and you will live,
my sweet little tomato.

Lorynn meets Mecca

Out Valentines enjoying Shirley Temples and virgin Daquiris at their first Hibachi

Lorynn looks great.

Lorynn's choral concert